A commitment to truth. Through lies about recipes.

A passion for calling you out on your bullshit

Interested in finding the safest car seat for your baby? Think you’ll research it online? Think that “Top 10 Safest Car Seats” article is going to give you all the deets you’re looking for? Nope. The rankings are either paid for, used as leverage, or arbitrarily picked by some poor marketing schmuck tasked with MORE CONTENT. 

Don’t believe me? I’ve been that schmuck. I’ve actually posted, not once, but MULTIPLE TIMES about top safety apps. Do I know the first fucking thing about safety apps? Nope. I was actually trying to research them. Make some educated guesses and whatnot. It was taking me a bit to get the post together. Finally my boss was just like, “it doesn’t even matter – just pick some.” So that’s the bar right there, folks.

But the most atrocious of all internet lies isn’t false advice on safety. It’s not the photoshopped Instagram appearances of the Kardashians. It’s not that Hillary sells small children out of Wayfair furniture in the basement of a pizza kitchen. It’s the fucking recipes.

Here it is. Here’s the reason you have to scroll through the life story of Willa, a picture-perfect, stay at home Mormon mom of six precious cherubs, perfectly dressed and filtered in “Mood Sage,” before you get to the actual recipe:

SEO

You need to have a certain number of words on a page or a post in order to rank well. While that minimum is 300, the more words you have, the more ads you can fit in between those words! Plus you have to fit a certain number of keywords in there. You should also have some headings. And images with alt tags.

Ads

Willa wants you to scroll aaaallllll the way to the bottom because there are all those ads that she’s getting paid for between the top of the page and the recipe that you actually want to see.

So here it is folks: here’s my jaded blog to bring you the recipes you want – at the top of the fucking page – with a side of internet truth.

Are there going to be stories to scroll through? You betcha. How else am I going to bring truth to the masses if I can’t get those SEO rankings up. Stories will be at the bottom though. After the recipe. And you shouldn’t feel the need to read them. They will almost certainly be riddled with lies and written either while drinking or by chat GPT.